12:00 Cold Pizza ends, and there was much rejoicing. Brent Musburger is announcing, and there is moderately less rejoicing.
12:01 Per Steve Lavin, guard play is one of the key aspects of the Big Ten tournament. We’re fucked.
12:04 Le Tip. Courtney wins it, and an early foul is committed by Minnesota. Not a terrible start. Turnover by Abram. My surprise level is 0.
12:05 Holy shit. The ball gets stuck between the rim and the backboard and Jerret Smith can’t jump high enough to knock it loose. Petway fouled, can’t hit the shot. Jesus, this is just comedy hour. According to Musburger, Brent’s “main girlfriend” gave him the winged helmet cut. He missed both FTs.
12:06 Huge Petway block. Abram hits the shot and gets the foul. Scoring opens 1:46 into the game.
12:08 Neither team can hit anything. I guess I should be used to it for Michigan this late in the year.
12:09 Pick and roll with Smith and Petway, that inexplicably ends with Petway shooting (and missing) a 12-footer. Then, TURNOVERPALOOZA!
12:10 Udoh enters the game. Good, Minnesota needed to be shut down on offense a little more. TV Timeout 3-0 Mich 15:46 1st Half.
12:13 AWESOME GARRETT RIVAS JOKE, MUSBURGER!!!! Apparently the ball sucked, which was causing the scoring to be off. I think the announcers and refs just aren’t used to shitty basketball teams. Courtney Sims scores.
12:14 Minnesota draws a foul on Courtney, giving them an opportunity to finally score. They hit both.
12:15 Courtney is doubled every time he gets the ball, but has yet to turn it over. Dion charges, ball to Minn. They get an easy dunk.
12:17 Pretty weak foul called on Courtney, denying the entry pass.
12:18 A Minnesota player humps Smith as he sprawls out for the ball. You can hear boos from the crowd, which one can only assume are coming from State fans. Udoh inexplicably shoots with his feet on the 3-point line.
12:20 Blocking foul on Petway, which is two quick ones. Minnesota is building a good amount of momentum here.
12:21 Ladies and Gentlemen, meet Jevohn Shepherd, offensive liability.
12:22 Jesus, they’re really letting the kids play out there. Deshawn took a pretty good hit on the shot, no call. 9-7 Minnesota 10:47 2nd Half
12:25 Back to the game. Minnesota’s band is full of even bigger nerds than ours. threeball for Minnesota. Abram gets blocked in embarrassing fashion when he was triple-covered. Obligatory Musburger-Oden dicksuck.
12:27 Repeat dicksuck. Steve Lavin Joins dicksuck.
12:28 Jerret Smith tries to dribble with his right hand, with nearly disastrous results.
12:30 Nobody is moving on offense, which is a bad sign in an offense named “motion.” Deshawn gets foul on a shot, immediately resulting in a commercial. 12-11 Minnesota 7:39 1st Half
12:32 Georgetown is apparently really good, which makes me less angry about getting spanked by them earlier in the year. Deshawn hits one of the two FTs.
12:33 Tollackson takes approximately 4 changes of pivot foot before shooting, and the rebound is tied up.
12:34 Smith takes someone off the dribble(!) but promptly misses the wide open jumper.
12:35 My god this offense looks awful.
12:36 MacKenzie pokes Smith in the balls, and is entirely perplexed as to why this is a foul.
12:37 Tommy apparently shows emotion only by shoving his players as they head towards the scorer’s table. Harris easy deuce on the break. 16-12 Michigan 4:37 1st Half
12:39 Tollackson provides some evidence that Udoh really needs to hit the weight room. D. Sims looks to have been fouled, resulting in a turnover, and Minnesota scores an easy breakaway basket on the other end.
12:41 He is fouled again, and this time it gets called. 16-16 3:25 1st Half
12:43 Deshawn goes 1-2 again. Lavin and Musbirger are talking about getting wasted together last night. What. The. Fuck.
12:45 Udoh draws the offensive foul on Tollackson, his 2nd. MORE FOOTBALL JOKES LOL!!!
12:47 Abram travels. PLEASE sit him for the rest of his life, Tommy. Nice box out on the three, Jerret.
12:48 Offensive foul on Mr. Consistency. Seriously, Tommy, if you value your job, you will sit Abram.
12:49 Smith is guarding a post player, but Udoh managees to hop over and get the block for him. Dion hits a 3.
12:50 Zany play at the end that Musborger accurately describes as “volleyball” and the half ends with Michigan leading 20-16. This is on pace to be a 40-32 game. AWESOME!
Class time.
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