It’s basketball season. Commence liveblog of embarrassing Michigan loss NOW.
12:02 I hate Dave O’Brien. I might kill myself before this game ends.
12:03 Courtney Sims even manages to fuck up the tip. great. A three for IU. Exactly how we needed this game to start. Why is Courtney shooting a 15 foot jumper, and fouls on the next play. He’s already IU’s player of the game.
12:04 Abram bricks a wide open three, and Coleman makes it into a transition three for IU.
12:05 Nice move by Les. Maybe try to at least hit the rim next time. My god. It’s raining threes for the Hoosiers. Kill me now. Timeout Tommy Amateur.
12:07 Courtney doubled and doesn’t turn it over. A good sign? Nope, Dion immediately gives it up. Petway hacked on the rebound. No call. I guess I’m used to it by now. He’s fouled when he shoots a turn… around… jumper…? Retarded play by the IU player.
12:08 Petway goes 1-2 at the line, Coleman rebounds the miss on #2. I HATE COURTNEY SIMS!!!!! Uncalled travel on DJ, Petway goaltends the put-back. This officiating is already as bad as the Wisc game. Courtney fouled, number 2 on Lance Stemler.
12:10 Sims hits both, Udoh comes in, Abram hits an and-1. Is the tide turning a little? I doubt it turns into anything big for the ‘verines.
12:11 Stupid foul on Petway overzealously going for a loose ball. Am I supposed to have a new liveblog item every single minute of the day? Long TV timeout.
12:14 Put the fucking graphics away and show me the damned game. This isn’t even ESPN JV. Bad foul call on Udoh. He was standing there in a completely vertical position. Jerret Smith out. We might have a chance (I am a terrible person, but he just sucks). Both free throws missed. We still are on a 5-0 run. Courtney got hacked laying it in. No call of course.
12:16 Nice D by Lester. Terrible D by Dion. 3 points IU. More offensive rebounds for the Hoosiers. Hooray! DIE COURTNEY DIE.
12:18 We just suck. Take out all the seniors and give the young guys some experience. Lost season. I spoke too soon. RAIN-MAKER MOTHAFUCKAZ!
12:20 Reed forces an uncalled 5 seconds. We get a defensive rebound, finally, and Udoh bricks. Udoh steps into the lane nicely, but can’t get the steal. DJ White scores on Courtney (obvs).
12:23 Check out Latest Headlines on FireFox during break. Funny stories about specific banned exports to North Korea (iPods and Cognac). Also, Japan confirms bird flu outbreak. Interesting.
12:24 Udoh sucks at the line. I will kill Courtney Sims next time I see him standing outside the Union and looking like Ludacris. He is by far the worst player on this team.
12:25 Reed banks one in. He has too much range to shoot from inside the arc. He;s just showing off now. Replay shows he was fouled. I hate the insane homecourt advantage in this league.
12:26 Shot clock violation. We weren’t even thinking about getting the shot off. This team is so bad. Tommy Amaker has got to be the worst coach in the history of time.
12:27 Reed misses a three. I cry a little bit on the inside. Coleman gets away with a walk, much to the chagrin of the IU home crowd. Oops, he won’t get away with it this time.
12:29 Lester passes it to thin air as Petway was going up to catch the lob, and make you say woah like Black Rob.
12:32 KILL COURTNEY SIMS. This time, he’s hacked. Again no call.
12:33 Stupid foul by Petway on White. That has to be at least 2 on him already. BALL DON’T LIE, BITCH.
12:34 Deshawn with great position in the post. The last thing on Lester’s mind is, you know, getting him the ball.
12:36 Nice pressure defense by Harris, but he fouls White on the steal attempt. It didn’t look that bad, but I was typing instead of watching intently. Turnover IU anyway. Coleman fouled on the putback from a terrible Dion miss. Udoh put it in, but it was after Coleman is fouled.
12:37 Dave O’Brien gives an actual interesting stat (dur Wolverhampton Wolves dur): we have more points from the line than from the floor. For as shitty as we’re playing, I’m glad we’re still in the game.
12:39 Fat fuck draws a penis on the telestrator on accident. At least I’m as mature as a third grader.
12:40 Lead down to 6, we are actually looking not terrible. Hell is freezing over. IU hits a three off an offensive rebound to restore order to the world. Commercial break as TAmateur calls timeout. The good things to take from this half so far are the number of free throws we’ve shot, and (in an entirely unrelated factoid) the foul trouble the Hoosiers are getting in. If we can keep it close, they’ll be in big trouble once their starters begin to foul out. BONUS EARLY HALFTIME ANALYSIS!!!!!!!
12:43 Gee, are State and tOSU playing this afternoon? I had no idea! This ESPN shit is probably just as bad during the football season, but the fact that I actually like the sport probably makes me not notice it. Rece Davis is marginally less annoying than Jeremy Schapp, though, which is probably another reason why I hate it even more now.
12:44 More IU fouls. BASK IN THEM, MY BEAUTIFULS AND COURTNEY SIMS.
12:45 Shaw loves to push off, like, a lot. Another foul on Michigan to bail out Indiana. IU player beats all 5 Wolverines, but misses a gimme layup. Just keep it close, guys.
12:47 Courtney tied up, which is apparently this refs signal for “fouled.” I guess not, though. We make a shot. The offense has gotten marginally less pitiful, the defense is getting better all game, except we can’t defend the fucking 3-ball.
12:48 COURTNEY HACKED AGAIN. THESE REFS ARE GETTING PAID BY THE CONFERENCE TO BE THIS FUCKING BAD!!!!! Edit: I guess Courtney is getting a scholarship to be as bad as he is, so maybe the ref’s aren’t as much of a joke as I thought. Missed front end of the 1-1 by Stemler.
12:49 Timeout IU. They’ll hold it for the last shot, and to expand the lead to 11 or 12. If Michigan can keep it to nine at the half, I think the fouls will kill IU in the second.
12:51 Halftime, down nine. Up-and-down defensive performance for Michigan in the first half. They defended everything well but the three ball, though they did get a couple of stupid fouls on the post. On offense, they started the game shitty, and ended the half only marginally less shitty. Ten Hoosier fouls to 7 on Michigan. Hmm, just watching the game I would have thought the disparity would be greater.
12:56 Halftime facts of note: 3 fouls on Calloway, 2 on Stemler for IU. 2 on Courtney, Petway, and Dion for UM. IU 8-14 from 3-point land. We can’t defend that any worse. Hopefully we defend it better, since that’s all they REALLY have going on right now.
1:02 “Snowboarder X” is on TV instead of Snowboard Men’s slopestyle. Come on, guys, you don’t need t keep giving me reasons to fucking hate ESPN.
1:07 Commence second half. Courtney gives up easy points to White. AWESOME! DJ White fouls Courtney Sims. That’s 2 on him. Sims splits at the line. IU misses a three wtf.
1:08 Petway misses a turnaround one-hander. Great effort on the boards, Courtney you fucking douche. Foul on Petway. That’s 3.
1:09 I don’t need to hear fat fuck fantasizing about Bo Derek. UM goes down by 12. Turnover but Abram trips the motherfucker so he doesn’t score on the breakaway. The worse this game goes, the more I swear. SEE WHAT YOU ARE DOING TO ME, TOMMY?
1:10 Amateur takes a timeout. Chuck Norris Mountain Dew commercial on ABC. Seriously, just end my life now.
1:13 Terrible foul call on Abram. Since when does he have to give up the baseline? No call when there should have been one on either Petway or Sims; I guess it balances out.
1:14 Two double dribbles in a row on #1. The refs didn’t even think about calling it. Terrible shot by Courtney he bailed out by Stemler (3? fouls).
1:16 Deshawn Sims replaces his terrible namesake, and DJ White immediately shows that he can score with equal ease on this one. Lester hacked. This is getting so god damned frustrating. Fir Tommy, and do it NOW!
1:18 Coleman wide open 3, not even really all that close. Ki
ll. Me. Now. Call a timeout, you inept fucking moron!
1:19 Lester almost misses an uncontested layup on a nice pass from Dion, who is promptly fouled on the next time down the court. At least they’ve stemmed the tide a bit. 18 points is an insurmountable lead with a headless chicken for a coach.
1:22 Down to 16 as Dion hots both FTs, but we still have no chance in this game. I’ve always been a defender of Tommy, but then I started, you know, watching the games. That’s the easiest way to turn against him.
1:23 Udoh misses Reed WIDE open behind him, but makes a fairly difficult shot in the post, so (almost) all is forgiven. Reed-bound, but then he turns it over, 3-pointer for IU, game over (still).
1:25 DJ White fouls Courtney, his fourth. The only chance we have is for every Indiana player to foul out. Udoh misses a wide open jumper. Just get it to Reed. He’s clearly the only player on this damned team who can shoot a lick.
1:26 Harris and Reed on a 2-on-0 breakaway, Dion dunks it (barely). More threes for the fucking Hoosiers. The defense isn’t even that bad, they just can’t fucking miss. Reed misses one, and more of me dies inside.
1:29 Silly me, I was under the impression that there had to be contact to call a foul. Color me naive. White boy travels with Courtney guarding him.
1:30 three ball for Dion. Keep chipping away, but hurry it up. Ball lost in the lane by the Hoosiers, chance to cut it down to 13, but of course it doesn’t happen. More offensive rebounds for IU, but they turn it over.
1:32 Foul on Courtney Sims. Please. Gun to my temple. Majerus says it was a bad call, and I won’t go so far as to say I disagree. At least that means the worst player on the team is out. Same call the other way, equally bad. I guess that makes up for it, though IU’s wasn’t on one of their alleged “stars.”
1:34 Of course Petway bricks a fucking dunk. Honestly. I don’t want to watch this, but I can’t tear my eyes away. It;s like a morbid train wreck.
1:35 Turnover IU, but Dave O’Brien actually makes a great point again. Michigan loves the late-season tailspin. Michigan basketball IS Michigan State football. Tommy Amaker IS John L. Smith. This is the least flattering observation that it is possible to make about a coach.
1:36 10% clean block, and a foul is called about 3 seconds after it. The officiating in the Big Ten is as pitiful as it is possible to be. I flip over to the X-Games again. It reminds me how much I despise ESPN/ABC. I turn back to the basketball game. It reminds me how much I hate TA.
1:39 Lead back up to 15. Coleman gets an equally gifted terrible foul call, though the lateness may not actually be an indicator of a bad call, since I doubt Coleman just goes around airballing threes.
1:40 Rick Majerus is saying smart things, but for god’s sake stop showing his fat mug. Women and children might be watching this.
1:41 Block by Deshawn. Let the players of the future get their minutes. Having CSims on the bench is the best thing for this team. Coleman fouled again. Are we in the double bonus yet? Nope. Only 8 fouls on IU. We can still bring it back down to a ten-point lead, inexplicably.
1:43 I guess we are on a 10-2 run. I certainly didn’t notice it. Foul on DSims, his first. DJ White on the bench. IU makes one of two, we need a score here.
1:44 DeShawn Sims is shot and raped on his way to the basket, they don’t even think about calling a foul. Loose ball foul on Les. I wouldn’t be as frustrated but the combination Amaker/Referee handicap just destroys us.
1:46 Udoh fouled. Muahaha, more IU players are in foul trouble. I’m not sure there is enough time for us to capitalize on it. Udoh sucks at the line, of course. Foul trouble graphic up. Little does Dave O’Brien realize, Courtney Sims in foul trouble is GOOD for Michigan.
1:47 Courtney just watches a guy burn him. Foul out, you piece of shit. Lob to Petway. Why the fuck weren’t we playing like this all half on offense? Defense still looks like balls.
1:48 Courtney hits both free throws. We can get it down to ten, but never below. Coleman fouls, is hopeful for an and-1, but the ball is nowhere near the basket.
1:50 Get a stop on defense or I make my way to the nearest parking structure (the one behind West Quad). OMFG within 10.
1:51 Petway with a great block, but Courtney fouls out on some pussy-ass shit. I fucking hate that guy.
1:54 IU hits the and-1, but Les answers with a nice layup on a feed from Dion. How sad is it when the TV analyst is by far a better coach than one on the court? Fire Tommy and hire Rick Majerus.
1:56 IU is in zone. Reed Baker is not on the court. Something has gone severely wrong here. 3-on-0 fast break for IU. Hopes of a miracle comeback end. Airball. Kill. Me. Seriously.
1:58 Idiotic foul on AG. He gone. Reed is in. Game is officially over. Have we ever heard of a fucking swing pass? We should be lighting them up from beyond the arc. I hate hate hate hate Tommy Amaker.
2:00 Lim(tourn hopes) as (team) approaches Mich = 0. I won’t even bother to watch the last minute of the game.
Posted under Basketball