I’ve decided this will be a semi-regular feature. I really couldn’t think of anything for Miami but there’s plenty in this game.

The Weather is Straight out of The Odyssey. You know how Odysseus and a few of his men get stuck in Cyclops’s cave? They took some timber, sharpened an end and blinded Cyclops and then escaped by lashing themselves to the undersides of his sheep, so they slip out without being detected. Well, unfortunately for them Cyclops was Poseidon’s son, and Poseidon controls the weather on the ocean. Poseidon was angry that they did that to his son and whipped up a storm that sunk every boat save Odysseus’ and knocked his off into the edge of the world. I’m not sure what giant creature Rich Rodriguez blinded, but whichever deity controls the weather in South Bend sure as hell was pissed. The kicker is that this malevolent deity waited until its team was up by double digits before unleashing its wrath. Crafty…

Jimmy Clausen is Portia from The Merchant of Venice. Portia is definitely the hero of this play, and Jimmy Clausen was arguably the hero of the game on Saturday. I would personally say Michigan’s slippery hands were the hero, but if you want a person, Jimmy will do. The short version of this joke is that Portia is a women who dresses up as a man to save the day. I mean, have you seen Clausen’s hair? The longer story, is that she went to save Antonio who was in danger of losing a pound of flesh as he guaranteed his friend’s, Basonio, loan. Basonio is inept at his job, but still manages to land Portia, a wealthy heiress, by performing an arbitrary task. Weis, on the same token, is an inept coach who managed to land a very highly regarded (albeit feminine) recruit, most likely by consuming two whole turkeys. I’m not sure who Antonio would be. Maybe Jack Swarbick, Notre Dame’s Atheltic Director. The main components of Antonio are loyalty, a basic level of competancy and a strong hatred of jews, so maybe? I don’t judge.

Finally…

The Game in General is The Jungle by Upton Sinclair. The main character, Jurgis Rudkus, is a Lithuanian immigrant fresh off the boat (well, that plus the trip to Chicago). He has an indomitable love for the American dream of pulling himself up by the bootstraps. Jurgis could be Michigan in general. Stepping bravely into new uncharted lands with a firm belief that, despite toil and tribulations, there is a higher goal that will inevitably be achieved. Early on in the novel, tragedy strikes quickly in the form of unscrupulous guests taking advantage of a wedding party and even taking what few donations were given leaving the family with nothing. Similarly, right out of the gate some players coughed up the ball and Michigan was left with a 21 point debt.

Although the main point of The Jungle may have been an evisceration of capitalism in favor of socialism (which some may agree with), the main thing I remember about the novel is a couple good things happening to Jurgis and then some massive tragedy coming out of left field. For example:

1. Jurgis gets a job
2. The women of the family were able to scrounge and make a nice meal
3. Jurgis‘ son drowns in the mud while Jurgis is working.

In the game, most of what happened was good: McGuffie looked dominant, Threet looked acceptable++ and the receivers were making plays, but then there would be a hope killing turnover. Eventually it was too much for Jurgis (Rodriguez) to deal with and he just gave up (put in Sheridan*). The last hundred or so pages are basically socialist propaganda which, if you’ve been over to Wolverine Liberation Army since the game, you got as well. Sometimes these are just eerie…

*Reports are Threet came out with cramps, which seems like a logical answer.

Posted under Analysis

Having taken advantage of one of the more “liberal” offerings of LS&A, political science major with a minor in philosophy to be specific, I constantly try to validate the classes I took by using what I learned in “real life.” So… a college football blog isn’t quite “real life,” but it’s close, so I’m going to break down portions of the Utah game using a wide swath of Western culture (no offense to Eastern culture, but I didn’t get much of it).

• Nick Sheridan is Hector of Troy: Their histories are a stretch to match, although one was a son of king, the other a son of coach. They were both intelligent, gritty and determined, and somewhat respected. Hector died fighting a battle he had no chance of winning, a one on one duel against Achilles. Sheridan, apparently, had no chance of being an effective quarterback. The Utes did not proceed to drag Nick Sheridan back to their encampment behind their chariot, but they embarrassed him all the same.
• The Offensivee Line is the (Spartans at Thermopylae)^-1: Oh, inverted, uh metaphor. I think the weird part was that the offensive line was as effective standing still trying to draw an offsides call as they were trying to block. While the Spartans valiantly stood at the pass and held off the oncoming horde to give the Greeks enough time to prepare a their Navy for a decisive victory, the Michigan offensive line could not hold off the Utes for [insert QB] to get to the mesh point with [insert RB]². (Note: just because Michigan State fans have latched on to the movie 300 does not mean Michigan fans have to ignore the city-state)
• The Second Half Defense is the French Army under Napoleon pre-1812: The Napoleonic army was very modern for it’s time and had very well trained soldiers that used rather advanced tactics. He was rarely defeated in battle and wreaked havoc on his enemies. Scott Shafer is taller and every bit the tactician. The defense in the second half played lights out and looked to really confuse the Utah offense. Many times faking retreat and flanking hard.
• The First Half Defense is All Other French Armies: The Utes marched right through Michigan’s Arc de Triomphe at will.
• Stephen Threet is Lennie from Of Mice and Men: I’m not calling Threet mildly mentally disabled. From everything I have heard he is an exceptionally intelligent, nice guy, but bear with me here. Lennie was fairly lovable. George always talked about leaving him on his own, but never could bear to abandon the adorable lurch. Something about Lennie kept George around. Lennie was also fairly effective at his various jobs, but didn’t have the higher level subtleties down. Seems fairly accurate right? Now, there’s an obvious difference in scale, but Lennie accidentally choked a women to death and his best friend ended up killing him, while Threet accidentally overthrew some passes and ended up losing the game (Note: he is not solely responsible for losing the game, but he did not win, so therefore…)

So there you have it. Hopefully this isn’t an example of Michigan arrogance…

If enough people like this, it could become a weekly thing.

Posted under Analysis